I get out of work at half past five and drive home to the hum of traffic and fading sunlight. By the time I get home and fix myself some dinner, the last orange rays of day have slipped under the cover of the horizon. It’s mid November and daylight is well into its yearly hibernation. After dinner I settle at my desk to do some writing. Usually I admire the pines and maple trees out my bedroom window, but it’s pitch black now, and all the green things are hiding. I wasn’t tired before, didn’t have a particularly strenuous day, but suddenly I feel an overwhelming urge to put on sweatpants and lay down, maybe even get into bed. I glance at the clock and notice it’s barely 7pm.
Fall in New England is majestic. The world paints itself in gold and yellows and burning reds that seem impossible to imagine, that make every woodsy backroad feel like a painting. The temperature drops and the afternoon air fills with a certain thick, crisp, sweetness, like fresh apples and fire pits. The year turns the bases and heads into the home stretch, anticipation and excitement building as we race towards holiday season. The change in seasons is palpable, feels like newness and opportunity, reminds us of the grandeur of transition.
But fall in New England is also melancholy. After they make a pit stop at orange and marigold, the leaves speckle brown, throw themselves to the ground, and die. During the daytime, the cool air feels inviting, but at night it grows colder, taunting, isolating. As the calendar races to it’s end, our minds follow, filling with the anxiety of passing time and growing old. The change in seasons is palpable, feels like summertime taken too soon, grieving and unfinished plans.
Seasonal depression is hella real. When the world grows cold and dark, our minds have a habit of following. Some days, as the light outside my window fades, it feels like the light inside of me is fading too. Like I am growing dark and dull, like my sweetness is gone, like all my green things are hiding. Some days, I connect the dots, recognize that the season is taking a toll on me, show myself compassion and say, “I understand.” Other days, I forget, can’t make any meaning out of it, feel baseless and sad without reason, and then feel guilty for being sad.
For me, one of the best (and sometimes only) ways to get through these dips has always been music. “Get through” means different things depending on the day. Sometimes, music is an escape route that lets me drift back into warmth and lightness, motivation and joy. Other days, music allows me to indulge, dive deep into the sadness and flesh it out before resurfacing. Whatever mood I’m in, music helps me cope, feel, breathe, move through the days- especially during those long, cold, lonely ass winter months. Whether you feel like soaking in the emotion, or taking a sip of something new, I’ve got you. If seasonal depression is the ailment, let this playlist be your medicine.
When you need a break from the stress:
Chicago Diner- Kota The Friend
Best lyric: “You gonna wanna love somebody, love somebody someday/ cookies in the oven on a Sunday, yuh yuh”
Guys, I am certifiably obsessed with Kota the Friend. The video for “Chicago Diner’ begins with a disclaimer, bold black letters on an all white screen: “GOOD HAIR IS YOUR HAIR.” Later on, during the chorus when Kota raps, “This one’s for the shorty with the good hair,” the words come back to mind, make sense. Kota wants to make sure that everyone feels the love. His music makes that apparent. He is honest, direct, and simplistic, and yet there is something strikingly fresh and tasty about him, he has a strong signature style. “Chicago Diner” is a standout for it’s dope beat and coy, romantic lyrics. Listening to it makes you wanna pay it forward, pass the good vibes along to someone else.
OG Luv Kush p.2- Kaiit
Best lyric: “Can finally say I’m sleeping well at night, don’t need weed singing me a lullaby”
This song is an absolute jam. It’s like the most addicting almost 3 minutes in the world. It just puts me into this jazzy, funky, relaxed, vibing, high off life kinda mood. I can never get enough, always wish it lasted longer. I’ve been playing it on repeat, multiple times a day, dozens of times a week, since I first heard it at the end of the summer. It’s just so fucking cool. And you have to watch the video, too. Kaiit and her friends are dripping in finesse, the kind of crew you wish you were a part of. Her 90s threads, her unbothered demeanor, her silky smooth delivery- she’s the real deal, an undeniable artist. And underneath all the swag are her lyrics. They might sound a bit shallow at first listen, but when you’ve listened 50 times like me, you realize just how relatable they are. She talks about how toxic relationships pull us into bad habits and addiction and jealousy, and how she is finally releasing herself from it all. This song is the jazzy, hip hop infused version of the phrase “boy bye.”
Loving is Easy- Rex Orange County
Best lyric: “Loving is easy, you had me fucked up, it used to be so hard to see”
This tune begins so singsongy and sugary sweet that the first line and it’s bold, blunt use of the word “fucked” catch you completely off guard, makes you shake the fog from your mind and pay closer attention. The song continues along in the same groovy, retro, 70s vibe, sounds kind of like upgraded elevator music or a theme song from an old sitcom. There’s something campy yet addicting about it. The groovy, carefree vibes perfectly showcase the lyrics. They describe a lover looking back at a toxic relationship and realizing how “fucked up” and distant from understanding love it left him, only to discover the lovely, buoyant, pure feeling of healthy love. It makes me want to do the Carlton around my room. Okay… so maybe I’ve already done the Carlton around my room to this…on multiple occasions. Don’t hate, just join in.
I Wish I Missed My Ex- Mahalia
Best lyric: “Everytime the weekend come/ I know that it won’t be long/ till you’re gonna call my phone/ talking like babe come over”
We all have one. Sometimes we have a whole bunch. You know, the person whose name pops up on your phone, and before you even open the text, you know what it’s gonna say: wyd, I miss you, hey, how you been, or my personal favorite, just a kissy face emoji. That old flame that always hits you up, won’t leave you alone, doesn’t seem to get the message that you’re no longer interested. And I mean no shade- I’ve absolutely been that person before, the one who can’t move on, who keeps picking at the scab and preventing herself from healing and moving on. Mahalia, a dope, creative, energetic up & coming rapper from the UK, perfectly captures the amazing, unlike-any-other-feeling of getting over an ex. This bop of a song is the perfect upbeat celebration of moving on, of relief and possibilities and shedding old skin.
Doubt- Samm Henshaw ft. Wretch 32
Best lyric: “My grandad used to say we could’ve been born left/ Haha, but we alright, yeah”
Mmm, this song fills me up. It relaxes me, lets me rest, nourishes me on days when my soul is hungry. It’s for the days when you’re feeling knocked down, helpless and hopeless. Just a little reminder that “faith won’t pay the bills, but doubt won’t save us all.” Believing in yourself, in this world, in goodness, can be exhausting some days. I like the way the song doesn’t sugarcoat thing and pretend getting through isn’t a struggle. But giving up and giving in to cynicism sure won’t help make anything better. Samm Henshaw’s throaty, soulful singing, Wretch 32’s witty wordplay, and a steady clap make the song warm and delicious. Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, throw on a good song, and be thankful for alright.
Thank You- Oompa
Best lyric: “I feel for ya boy, they always want me to dance/ I tell em if the check aint fat as me I really can’t”
If you’re not on to Oompa yet, this song is the perfect place to start, because after discover how incredible her music is, you’re gonna be saying a bigass “THANK YOU” to me for introducing you to her talent. Oompa is a homegrown, Boston bred, certified star. She is THAT WOMAN. She puts her soul into every song, every verse, carries her tribe in her words. She is self proclaimed as “forever representing the queer, black, orphaned, hood kids and them,” and holds true to that promise. She makes every person, every identity, every part of you feel seen and heard and understood and important and loved. This particular song is from the 617 sessions, a music program that gives local artists a day of free studio time to record and produce a song. It’s upbeat and catchy as hell, and showcases her trademark quick, clever rhymes. “You mean she made this bop in just one day?!” YES MAM. And it’s fire, because that’s just what Oompa does- puts her everything into her art, leaves it all on stage or at the studio, every time.
D’evils- SiR
Best lyric: “Cause life is so much better when we live in slow motion”
Quickest way to take a tropical vacation from the blistering New England cold? Crank your heat up, turn on your brightest fluorescent lamp, throw on some shorts and a tank top, and put this puppy on full volume and fullscreen. This was one of my favorite songs of the spring and summer, so I just had to put it on the playlist for the days when I need it to suck me back into the warm air and tropical drinks. I was lucky enough to go to the TDE Championship Tour twice this past summer- both in Boston and in New York- and got to see SiR croon this smoky, velvety, masterpiece in person. Can you say blessed? This song’s for the days you need to temporarily drift away.
For the days you feel like leaning into the mess:
Remember Me- UMI
Best lyric: “Last summer/ We made plans like we would always be/ We said by now that’s we’d have everything and more/ I never thought that we’d be dreaming on our own”
Oooh, this one sneaks up on you. On the first listen through, her sweet, smiling voice tickles your soul, feels soft and warm like an old blanket. It’s only after the second and third listen, when the wistful, longing lyrics sink in, that you realize how melancholy the song is. Umi touches on that type of loneliness that can feel daunting and claw at you, the kind that makes you romanticize about the lovers of seasons past, no matter how unrealistic or irrational it may be. Her singing makes you want to be by someone’s side, find someone special and new to promise your tomorrows to, but acknowledges just how scary it can all be when you’ve had your promises heartbreakingly handed back to you. “You called my name/ When I was afraid/ And now I’m afraid.” Because what’s more beautiful and painful, gorgeous and terrifying, than falling in love?
Movie- Tom Misch
Best lyric: “I hope, that the fire we both made, still burns a little in you/ I wrote to you, every day, did my letters find their way?”
Story time: During my last relationship, a crisis in my boyfriend’s life changed us from seeing each other almost every day, to being in a long distance relationship, literally overnight. When he had to leave, I started keeping a journal to him. I wrote to him, every day. Sometimes full entries, sometimes just little love notes, hellos, I miss yous. My plan was to gift it to him when he came back home- I wanted him to know that despite the distance and pain and chaos, he had still been with me, an important part of my every day. He broke up with me while we were still long distance, before I ever got the chance to give him the journal. It went from a powerful symbol of our bond, to an aching memento of my foolishness and heartbreak. Months later, I dusted it off and wrote one final note- a goodbye letter- and then dropped off a box of his old things to his brother, the journal resting on the top. I have no idea if he ever read it or not.
This song is for bittersweet nostalgia. For those memories that make you smile, just for a moment, before they sink in and you begin to feel the painful churn. For the days that you don’t want to relive- life has moved forward, it would be silly, harmful to try to go back- but that you just want to be sure really happened.
Green Eyes- Erykah Badu
Best lyric: It’s a tie between “Before I heal it’s gonna be a while/ I know it’s gonna be a while chile” and “I can’t leave it’s too late/ I can’t leave it’s too late/ I can’t leave it’s too late/ I can’t leave it’s too late.”
“Green Eyes” begins in the style of a jazz standard, with Miss Badu referencing her famous green eyes with the facetious, playful comment that their color is due to her eating a lot of vegetables, and has “nothing to do with your new friend.” About two minutes into the song, the playful, flippant melody twists, disappears, and then reemerges: still jazz infused, yet much more slow and sauntering, pain laden. The second wave of the song begins with the bold, honest exclamation: “I’m insecure.” As Badu continues on, she peels back the protective surface of her pride and exposes her intense vulnerability. She croons about her lack of self control and indecisiveness, her embarrassment and pain, over strong piano chords and soft flute notes, At five minutes the tune takes another turn and re-introduces itself once more. her desperation emphasized by begging words and pleading horns. The song is a tragic examination of insecurity and loss of self. The song ends with harsh realization as Badu admits to herself, her voice breaking: “I know our love will never be the same/ But I can’t stand these growing pains”.
Letter to My Ex- Kota The Friend
Best lyric: “I’m sorry for everything, Ima cut the excuses/ but overall I’m just happy you made it past the abusive shit I was doing/ before I even knew it, I was going through it myself/ hurt people hurt people, you should know that yourself/ just know that it wasn’t that you/ wasn’t lacking or nothing.”
Another one of my favorites of Kota, (and it’s hard to pick because they’re all jams), is “Letter to my Ex.” While the title might leave you expecting pettiness and disses, it’s in actuality a stirring, vulnerable string of candid reflections and apologies. Kota admits to his shortcomings, reassures his ex that their failed relationship does not mean she is a failure, and genuinely roots for her success. This song is really important to me because we bring so much toxic energy into our lives by holding on to hate, especially for relationships from our past. One of the clearest paths to relief and healing is through taking accountability, letting go of resentments, and clearing space in your life your something new and healthy and shining. Kota models it for me with tranquil delivery and inspiring integrity.
When you’re somewhere in the middle- just trying to make sense:
I Owe You Nothing- Seinabo Sey
Best Lyric: “See, these aren’t tears, this is the ocean/ These aren’t fears, this is devotion”
I was first introduced to Seinabo Sey when my good friend and music buddy Jose sent me her song “Younger” in the fall of 2016. When Trump was elected president soon after, the song became the soundtrack to my resistance- her words felt like a call to arms. When I got my heart broken last spring, her song “Still” craddled me until I felt ready to stand on my own again. A few months ago, “I owe you nothing” came up randomly in a playlist I was listening to on youtube. Her familiar, confident voice caught my attention immediately, and the lyrics riled me right up, lit a fire under my ass. The production is demanding and direct, complimenting the straightforward, take-me-as-I-am-or-gtfo lyrics. Seinabo Sey sings with a certain, distinct assuredness that consistently fills me with empowerment, worth, and purpose.
Girls Need Love- Summer Walker
Best lyric: “I just need some dick, I just need some love/ Tired of fucking with these lames, I just need a thug”
The stretch from fall into winter is officially cuffing season. For those of you who live under a rock and are unfamiliar with the term, here’s a quick definition from urban dictionary: “During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.” This slow, sauntering tune from Summer Walker is the song we all need right now. It’s sexy and intoxicating, makes you want to be tangled up in someone’s limbs. It’s also an anthem for female sexuality. It unapologetically reminds us that women have wants and needs to, challenges the notion that we aren’t allowed to voice them. It’s a sultry and sensual soundtrack of desire, and I can’t get enough.
Why Don’t You- Cleo Sol
Best lyric: “Sometimes we fall in love/ love is always in us.”
“Why don’t you just let go?” Cleo croons over sparse piano chords and steady percussion. As the song progresses, the melody is padded by haunting, harmonizing background vocals, bursting strings, and soft flutes. The song continues it’s tiptoeing, steady expansion and begins to fill with instruments and singing, the soundscape stretching to fill all of the crevices of your eardrums. The song builds but never breaks, just slowly settles and approaches to a close with the touching refrain, “sometimes we fall in love, love is always in us.” Something about the silky, soulful track just sticks to you- you crave more when it’s finished.
HËÂT RŌČK- Tobe Nwigwe
Best lyric: “I ain’t gon wait till the beat drop/ Imma get it while it’s warming, start to form this heat rock.”
GET. ON. THIS. WAVE. Stop what you’re doing. Right now. Cmon, I mean it. I’m only asking for 3 minutes. That’s all you need to be taken on the beautiful journey that is Tobe Nwigwe. The Originals is the name of his collection of songs and videos, which are updated weekly. His music videos are demanding and refreshing, innventive and provocative. While the songs are standalone works of art, you can’t not watch the videos too. You just have to. In them you’ll see Tobe flanked by his partners in musical expression, his wife, Fat, and his producer, Nell. The three dance in synchronicity and in juxtaposition, complementing one another with their artistry and choreography and voices. Each video has a subtle color theme. His videos, like his music, is cerebral, thought out, meticulous. Tobe’s thick, gravelly, commanding voice enters the song before you’re even ready: “I ain’t gon wait till the beat drop/ Imma get it while it’s warming, start to form this heat rock.” He doesn’t care for your expectations, a point he makes clear again later on in the song when he says “I’m done bring the chorus back in…but ain’t no chorus though.” A minute later, Tobe throws a chorus in, “for the haters who be big mad.” He doesn’t care for your rules. And thank god, because his way of doing things is pretty fucking dope.
Violet- Daniel Caesar
Best lyric: “You’re my violet, in the goddamn sun”
You know I can’t do a playlist and not include Daniel Caesar. He is one of my favorite R&B singers to come out of the last five years. His voice is angelic, fluctuates from demanding yells to falsetto whispers, just rushes right into you. What most defines his music for me is it’s intimacy. Whether he is waxing about the rush of physical pleasure, or pleading with his universe to give him spiritual clarity, or waning about his admiration for his lover, you feel like you are being invited into his innermost thoughts, wishes, and desires. Add onto that his mesmerizing, sexy, sucks-you-right-in production, and you’re instantly hooked. His album Freudian might be the best album on 2017, though it’s gained more traction and popularity in the last year. If you haven’t heard it yet, stop what you’re doing and go listen through now, front to back- it’s worth it. For those of you that are already familiar with Daniel Caeser, this track, “Violet,” is a stunning throwback and love song to himself. It showcases what have become signature traits of his particular, peculiar, stimulating style of R&B: repeated, poetic lyrics enveloped in increasingly layered and nuanced beats and instrumentation. I also love the alternative, gospel infused into in this video. Issa whole, dreamy vibe.
Stan- 6lack
Best lyric: “People go through life not knowing/ not knowing what love is.”
Man, I love me some 6lack. (It’s pronounced “black”, btw). I fell for his debut album Free 6lack back in 2016, found myself enchanted by the way his grungy voice blends singing and rapping, and intoxicated by his sexy, melancholic beats. I’ve been smitten ever since. His sophomore album, East Atlanta Love Letter, came out in mid-September and does not disappoint. It’s hard to pick a favorite track on the album. There’s “Disconnect,” a piano laced breakup song is filled with static- literally- mimicking the confusing fuzziness of trying to navigate a toxic relationship. “Love is not looking over shoulders”. And then there’s the title track, “East Atlanta Love Letter,” where 6lack teams up with fellow Zone 6 native Future to deliver the perfect soundtrack for late night drives and contemplating your next move. But my favorite of them all is “Stan.” It’s is a slow, steady, lovely ode to the kind of relationship that grows old. I love the way the 6lack’s production warps and winds over simple, repetitive beats. It’s my favorite track on the album. It moves slowly and deliberately, spins tranquil and reliable, just like love.
Pretty Little Fears- J Cole and 6lack
Best lyric: J Cole’s entire verse
I love 6lack, but this one’s on here for the J. Cole feature. It’s the most sensitive, romantic verse I’ve ever heard from J Cole, and perhaps one of my favorites from him of all time, which is saying a lot, cuz I have one of homie’s songs tattooed on my body. “You plant a seed to grow some roots, a branch and leaves/ becomes a tree of life until our nights are filled/ with peace from stress and strife/ and that’s the blessing that I get from wifing you” The whole damn thing is love letter, anniversary card, wedding vows worthy- ya gotta listen.
Growing Up or Something Like It 